You Don’t Have to Suffer

For many years I’ve known something was wrong but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. 

I thought that it was happening because I wasn’t doing something right.

I believed it was my fault I was suffering.

Because hey I was in the health, fitness and wellness industry, and had been for many years, so surely I should know what was wrong?

But that’s the thing isn’t it?

We’re great at helping others, but not so much at helping ourselves, even when all the signs are there.

The thing is though I was trying desperately to help myself.

I believed that I was doing all the things.

You see back in 2012/2013 I was in what, to me, felt like, optimal physical health.

I was physically healthy and well, I felt good, I looked good and life, on the surface, seemed good.

But then gradually, over the next few years, my health started to decline. My stress levels increased, the weight crept on, I felt continually sluggish, tired, exhausted with so much brain fog!

Not just the tiredness you feel after a bad or late night’s sleep but a constant burnt out exhaustion.

Granted, if you looked at my life, you’d have been surprised if I hadn’t been heading for burn out!

I had inadvertently ended up teaching 22 fitness and nutrition classes a week, I was studying, trying to start an online business. I was in the beginning stages of a new relationship, my youngest daughter had had her first son, my other daughter was making her way through university. 

That was on top of all the ‘normal’ regular life things that were also going on.

So a lot to navigate and along the way I felt like I was simply surviving, definitely not thriving!

Having experienced a very personal loss during this time I used it as a catalyst to work hard on getting myself back to my happy, healthy self.

But it still wasn’t to be.

Whereas there were periods of happiness I was still not ‘myself’.

I didn’t ‘feel’ right, I didn’t ‘feel’ good in myself, I didn’t ‘feel’ healthy.

I knew something was still wrong.

But, I still thought it was because of something I was doing.

Maybe the exercise I was doing wasn’t right.

Perhaps I needed to make more changes to my nutrition.

Should I be walking for longer, or shorter, periods of time each day?

Was I taking the right supplements?

Did I need to go to bed earlier, wake earlier, change from my night owl way of being to that of a lark?

You name it, I questioned it. 

Being in the business of wellness I perhaps questioned it more than if I hadn’t been.

My depression returned sporadically, as would worry, anxiety and stress, I was becoming emotionally as well as physically, unhealthy!

Because I just couldn’t figure out why what I was doing wasn’t working, or would only work for a short time and wasn’t sustainable for me.

I was literally driving myself mad. I was confused.I was embarrassed, ashamed.

Surely I should be able to help myself?

I was questioning my own sanity at times.

But I kept showing up, I kept trying things, I kept researching.

I invested in having private blood tests done, I had consultations with both conventional and naturopathic doctors.

Some things did start to show up that could be a factor.

Low vitamin D, adrenal fatigue amongst them.

I worked to address these issues, not always with the greatest of success!

Then finally I invested in more blood tests, this time I had a full thyroid panel taken, something I’d not done before.

Because hey I’d been led to believe that as long as one part of this, the TSH, was okay, then my thyroid was ok and perhaps now that I was in my 50s it was actually the menopause that was responsible for my decline in optimal physical (and my emotional) health.

But … I’m not so sure that’s the case anymore.

Whereas yes there are changes happening because of this time in my life, it’s not the be all and end all, explanation for everything.

But for far too long, any symptoms that ‘women of a certain age’ may present with, are attributed to peri and menopausal causes.

Which means other reasons are ignored or paid scant attention to.

For me, I’ve had to do the detective work myself, hence the investing in further tests.

Which have shown that I actually have a far too high count of positive thyroglobulin antibodies, which are associated with Hashimoto’s disease!

This explains a lot! Especially when combined with other findings - I still have low vitamin D, plus high cholesterol (apparently it’s hereditary for me) and low testosterone.

It’s no wonder I’ve been suffering the way I have.

My body has been fighting itself and I’ve added to that by believing that it was something I was doing wrong and should know automatically how to correct!

I was beginning to feel like a stranger in my own body!

Whilst I’m not jumping for joy at the findings I am glad that finally, finally, finally, I’m finding out what’s wrong and I can now do something to heal.

I have something to go on. I can start making the changes that need to be made.

There’s a long journey ahead but now I know what’s happening in my body it’s one I welcome.

So what can you take from my story? How can you use it to help you?

(1) Check in with yourself, your intuition, your gut. Do not be afraid to challenge things.I knew something was wrong, thyroid issues were mentioned many a time yet because I stuck with the conventional approach I didn’t initially go down this path as much as I perhaps should have.

(2) Keep a diary of your symptoms, feelings, moods, emotions, sleep, stress, movement, nutrition. Track it all.

(3) Be persistent, trust, believe in and have faith in yourself. You know your body better than anyone.

(4) Don’t hesitate in investing in your own health and well-being, get yourself tested if you’re not satisfied with any you may already have had.

(5) Don’t assume that what you're experiencing is automatically related to the stage of your life. Yes, it could be but that’s not always the case.

(6) Talk to others, to experts, read books, listen to podcasts, without becoming obsessed (yes it can happen!) research your symptoms!

(7) Stop with the quick fixes because you’re desperate for a solution. Whilst quick fixes can be an introduction to different ways of doing things they more often than not make things worse. They very rarely take you further than the entryway without taking you to further down the path, where you need, long term, to go.

This is just the beginning of this part of my journey. 

I also know that I am not the only woman to have been, or be, in this situation.

In the name of helping you, or someone you know, I will share this journey, the ups, the downs, the in-betweens.

So, please do keep watching this space, connect with me on social or via my weekly newsletter, and let’s keep helping each other to live thriving, fulfilled lives.

Because you do not need to suffer. You can heal and live a thriving, fulfilled life.

You can heal, you can get better, you just need to know how!

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