Far too many women by the time they’ve reached their middle years, their 40s, 50s, 60s, have given away the ownership of their own lives, to other people.They find that they’ve lost their ability to make confident decisions, to invest in and make time for themselves, to give their own mental, emotional and physical health and wellness, priority.

The reason why what I’m talking about is important is because this ultimately can have a negative impact on health and well-being, can lead to regret, an unfulfilling life, an increased susceptibility to stress, anxiety, worry and depression, strained relationships, the loss of hope and so much more.

What is meant by 'Ownership of My Life and My Story' and why does it matter?

Simply put, having ownership of your life, is about who is in control of your life. Who is making the decisions and the choices about what you do, how you live, what work you’re doing, the relationships you have, how you show up, your thoughts, feelings, behaviours.

Your Story is your life journey and experiences. The actual story of your life. But is it being told based on your experience of how it’s been, is it being lived based on what you want your life to be like, look like and feel like? Or is this being told and lived from another’s point of view, someone else’s perspective?

Why women give away control of their lives

This happens for many reasons - fear, uncertainty, low confidence, a lack of belief, trust and faith in who they are. Some women think that others know them better than they know themselves or believe that others opinions on their thoughts, feelings and behaviours are what matter.

So they give away ownership of their own lives. They give away their story. They allow it to be told from someone else's perspective.

By doing this they're stopping themselves from being who they are meant to be. They live as others expect them to live, continually putting others first, they in effect live according to their expectations, standards, values of these other people, as they've given away their own.

How not having ownership of your life shows up

Losing control of your life is, more often than not, a gradual process that becomes deeply ingrained over many years and it shows up in many ways. If you can say yes to most, if not all, of the following, then you’ll know that it’s showing up for you.

• You’re  giving more weight to the actions, thoughts, opinions and judgements of others rather than trusting in your own.
• You are allowing people into your life who treat you in a way that you would not treat them.
• You are ignoring your own intuition about situations and people that ultimately is proved right but only after you’ve gone down a path that’s detrimental to your own health, well-being and sanity.
• You tolerate being taken for granted, ignored, not respected, not treated with kindness and consideration.
• You think you are unworthy, not good enough, based on how others treat you and speak about you.
• You don’t believe you are deserving of being respected, supported and treated well.
• You lack confidence in your own points of view, believing that your own opinions aren’t valid.
• You believe you are being selfish if you put your own needs, desires, and wishes first.
• You worry about offending or hurting others if you express thoughts and opinions from your point of view or for living your life the way you want to live it.
• You play the blame game - either blaming others and feeling like you’re a victim, or you blame yourself for allowing yourself to fall prey to neglecting yourself to put others first.
• You find it difficult to move your life forward, you stay stuck where you are as you stop trusting yourself and your decisions.
• You allow yourself to be forced into doing things that go against who you are - you’re afraid to stand up for yourself. 
• You become who others think and/or say you are - you take on an identity that is not authentic, genuine or real.
• You don’t do or say things for fear of others’ opinions, judgements, being laughed at, or bad mouthed.
• You retreat into yourself, you start hiding who you really are, you keep quiet.
• You do things to please others but not yourself.
• You pretend that you are happy and that all is okay despite your health and well-being suffering.

Why it’s important to take back ownership

If you don’t have ownership of your life and your story then you are not free, free to be you. You’re stopping yourself from being who you are meant to be, as  you are living as others expect you to live, continually putting others first. 

For your own sanity, health, happiness and fulfilment it is important that you take back ownership of your life and your story. You have as much right as anyone else to be fulfilled, to live with passion and purpose, to put you first.

Taking back ownership of your life and your story allows for healing from past hurts. You will be able to let go of that which does not serve you, bring you joy, make you happy.

It means you can have healthy relationships with others and to have a healthy relationship with yourself. You don’t allow yourself to be bullied or feel forced into things.

You’ll be able to confidently be making decisions for your life as you’ll be giving yourself time and space to figure out what’s right for you.

To truly step into who you're here to be, to live the life that you want to live, to be the person who you want to be, you must take back ownership of your life, take back your story.

It's yours to tell. All of it. The good, the bad, the bits that are in the middle.

Only then can you genuinely be the best version of you that you can be, a happier, healthier, more fulfilled version of you.

Isn't that something worth being?

10 Key Suggestions To Reclaim Your Life and Your Story

Taking back ownership is you taking back control, you making the decisions, you telling your story from your own perspective, your own thoughts and feelings about it.

To look after, and do the things for, yourself, as you would for someone else. That is the beginning of you taking back ownership of your life and your story.

#1: Practice forgiveness - for yourself and others. We all experience things in different ways and it is perfectly fine to take control of your life, to take ownership of it and your story. It’s your story to tell after all - you are the lead character in it just as others are in theirs.

#2: Be honest with yourself even if it means facing up to some uncomfortable truths.

#3: Let go of guilt, shame, thoughts and feelings that aren’t good for you.

#4: Look at who you are letting into your life, set your own expectations of yourself and those who you are going to let in/stay - you are not for everyone and that is okay.

#5:Surround yourself with those who do lift you up, encourage you, are there for you, are honest with you - write a list of those who you can turn to in times of need, who have your back.

#6: Say no to things, people, situations that you don’t believe are good for you and yes to those that are

#7:Stop self-sabotaging and being self-sacrificing.

#8: Remind yourself of all that you have achieved, the struggles you’ve been through and survived. 

#9: Make sure you do the work to love yourself, the good, the bad, the inbetween.

#10: Have your own set of values, morals and ethics that you live your life by - check in with them when you have decisions to make - they can be written as a pledge to yourself.

Remember … this is your life, your story, not anyone else’s. 

It’s yours. Yours to own, yours to be responsible for, yours to be accountable for - the good, the bad and the inbetween.

It’s your life, your story to create. Everyone else is creating theirs, make sure you’re creating yours too.

And … finally … it is your life to live, to live your way. Live it now not when it’s too late to do so.

Oh and before you go, let me know, which suggestion are you going to work on first? 

Let me know by connecting with me in my Online Fulfilled Midlife Women's Community for fit, fab and fulfilled women in their 40s, 50s and beyond, and share the action you're going to be taking first to reclaim your life and your story. It's an amazing community within which you'll receive further information, education and coaching for personal growth and development, relationships, health, fitness and wellness (including menopause!), all things work and business related and so much more.

Just click the following button to join, if you're not a member already that is!

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